I watched a lecture on youtube about parenting tips by Mufti Ismail Menk, he’s one of my all time favorites to listen to and take some tips from. The way he calmly speaks and explains things is beautiful. Allahumma barik. These are some notes that I took from the almost 2 hours long lecture, and that I wanted to share with you.
Always ask Allah subhanahu Wa ta’ala. Nothing is impossible for Him.
TO KNOW OUR DUTY
When we don’t understand our duty and why we’re here. It will be difficult. You need to know who you are. How are we directing our life and the life of those we are responsible for.
WHAT IS PARENTING
It’s a process of caretaking (expressing love etc.) and education, you help your child grow from a dependent child to an independent adult.
You’re the model, and they follow you. Children mimic, so already from an early age they start to mimic their parents. for example; when you pray in front of your children or maybe dress in a specific way, they want to be like you. If you sit on your phone all day long, well its just a matter of time before your child asks you for an iPhone…
when they’re still small and maybe can’t speak yet, you as parents have the control. so what do you do with that control? what do they watch? what do they listen to? where do you take them? Because whatever comes in their system from the early fresh stage, will be kept with them for a very long time. As they grow up, Allah takes away that control from you, so what have we done at the early age?
Be that guide for your child, the one that the child comes to whenever there’s something, whenever they need advice. Open discussions when they’re older.
Orphans with parents? Dad too busy, mummy too busy…. so they seek advice other places, the wrong people, internet or whatever. and then you suddenly become angry because of that, well where were you?
UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILD
The 6 A’s;
Listen and give them the importance. We may be too busy on our phones, or other things. They’ve been talking to us for 15 minutes and we’ve not listened to a thing. Children have it in them that they need attention, so if they’re not getting it from you as a parent, they’ll get it somewhere else.
Show interest in your child’s life, in what they stand for.
Praise and value your child. In some cultures, whatever their child does, no matter how good they do it, in their eyes they could always do it better.
Say thank you and appreciate your child.
Rules and guidelines in your home.
Sit and have that little conversation with your child. Maybe you can tell them about your day at work etc. not for advice or anything, but just for the purpose of education. Maybe they’ll come to you one day and tell you that they were bullied at school today.
There’s a difference between discipline and punishment. With discipline, you help the child to change their bad behavior. When you punish the child, it will suppress that bad behavior, with this they’ll just not do it in front of any more, nothing more.
Reward your child with points (for example a board that you stick some stickers on, one sticker is one point). Say please and thank you to your child. Be polite, so your child can learn to be polite to others too.
Reject the behavior, but not the child. “I love you, but I don’t like that behavior.” Conflicts between parents, whatever you do about it, it has a big impact on your child. Solve it in a good way, so that you can set an example.
Positive emotional environment. If your child wants to say something, they must be able to say it to you. How you react will result in the correction of the child or the appreciations of that which is good. Instead of commanding your child, request it.
Show love by words, hugging and kissing.
The YouTube link to the lecture: Parenting tips by Mufti Ismail Menk
I hope you benefit from this like I did. Have a blessed Friday – Jumuah!